During shavasana in a wonderful yoga class with Yoga Janda last night I realized I was in yet another transition place of motherhood.[ These come hard and rather often actually.] This one is poignant, since I am about to go into labor and give birth to our second baby and witnessing my dear CQ grow into a girl with her own way and mind. She is also very sensitive, intuitive, 'two' and very reactive. Its been a hard week of incredible tantrums and kickbacks with our CQ a full-blown toddler with a strong will.
I reached a bit of a breaking point and heard myself speak words I don't want to hear coming from my mouth, I was very aware of the hard work motherhood is known to be and felt cornered and stuck, not knowing what to do. Only to realize again that its about letting go, not doing much, changing my language with myself and CQ a little and allowing the moment to pass.
I love how labor and birth can relate to life in so many instances. Like during labor with CQ when we reached transition and I felt like I was at a loss and actually just wanted it all to be over, wanted to turn back, feeling like I had no idea what I was doing and just wanted to go into hiding. But then it was almost over and all I needed was a little support, loving care and strong voices in my ear of knowing, voices who could share where I was going and understood what I was dealing with. I see over and over how motherhood, parenthood cannot be a solo journey, how tragic and hard. We need support and love and time for ourselves to keep up the nurturing sustenance. I am so grateful to my amazing husband who knew to send me to my room when I needed it and so naturally took over. I am so grateful to my amazing, intuitive and skilled midwife Andrea Meyer, who talked me through this transition in motherhood and equipped me with some tools that immediately took effect and I feel like I can breathe again. I look forward to birthing this next baby with her. I am grateful to amazing grandmothers and kind neighbors and friends.
So here we go, continuing on the journey of motherhood, trying to be what our kids need in every moment without losing ourselves.
Want to share some of your own transitions as a mother, I would love to hear about it:)