I have sat on this blog for a while now. Being pregnant again I have been opposed to spending any time on the computer, except of course when skyping. The last year has been a roller coaster and a huge awakening. I am celebrating again after not feeling like it at all for a while.
The change happened when I finally started practicing some of what I preach. Taking time and moments to be by myself and really listen the way I would listen to CQ or my beautiful husband and then actually responding. Suddenly I smile easier and my head doesn't feel so heavy.
When I first fell pregnant with CQ it was the one piece of advice every mother I knew gave me, and I admit I took it for granted, not realizing how all consuming motherhood can be. How easily we, our selves are left behind in order to take care and be responsible for another so completely. I had to go through a miscarriage and some hard knocks to finally listen to that little nagging voice coming from within. "Find some time and take care of yourself. Do something just for you. Be kind and stop the judging. Guilt ruins the parent-child relationship, so stop and accept some help. Don't veg, really listen and do something you love for the pure pleasure of it."
I thought I was starting to get it and then a big gift of time fell in my lap and I had time by my self to really rediscover what I wanted in those moments when it's just me. I had a few days without anyone around in my house... At first I was like a deer in headlights, what do I do?? Then I felt myself starting to smile and my shoulders relax and I allowed my mind to drift. I could do whatever I want. I was not attached to any schedule for a few days, and I had only myself to feed. I could sleep as long and late as I wanted. Suddenly the day unfolded and I felt myself reconnect with myself as a women and individual.
I say thank you to my universe for creating this time despite my resistance. When my family returned I was refreshed and happy to see them, and my pregnancy took a turn for the better (it had been a rough start with bad morning sickness and exhaustion), I have really enjoyed being a mother again, realizing that when I take the moments in the day to reconnect with my own desires and person, my relationships are all lighter and easier. I feel so lucky and blessed and only look forward to seeing what else is possible.
A TOAST to all mothers and wild women out there!