I, like most, have been part of a lineage that has been trying to break free of hereditary patterns. Patterns of self abuse, unworthiness, excessive debilitating pride and abandonment issues.
I will share my story, but I have to admit that much of it has become blurry as I find myself detached from these times, only a few poignant moments stand out. I have seen relationships change and flourish, individuals take ownership of their lives and circumstance since I started practicing metamorphosis.
In 1999 I had a very big car accident. My car burst into flames after I crashed into a concrete lamppost. Somehow I made my way out of the car window with a broken foot and two ankles with ligaments torn, knees cut up, a completely shattered noes and a black eye. I was met with incredible support as I exited the burning car. I watched my car burn and felt immense guilt for what I was putting my mom and dad through.
I recovered fully after a week in the hospital and three months in a cast. Long story short I decided to find something more than just physical healing to make sure I did not end up with residual trauma in my body. I wanted to take the best from the experience and move on freely. I found a fantastic healer who practiced reiki and some pressure point massage. I was 19 at the time and unfamiliar with this type of healing. I remember being very impressed and feeling a shift in my legs and pain body. I was intrigued and will forever remember this moment as my awakening to alternative healing.
I became an actress the following year. I studied the craft and acted for 10 years. Loving the healing nature of this art, for myself and my audience. I could only truly aspire to being an actress when I saw the journey of self discovery this craft would put me on. The journey to become aware and conscious of self rather than self conscious. Learning compassion and living many different circumstance and stories.
In 2000 my Dad decided to go in a different direction with his life. The trauma of my family splitting up was heartbreaking and seeing my Mother suffer the loss of her husband left me helpless and in a true state of shock.
My mother was diagnosed with type 1 Diabetes due to trauma. I was immediately on the look out for a way to help ease her dis-ease. I was introduced to Metamorphosis very soon after. I made an appointment for my mom and watched her take responsibility for her body and health. Her insulin usage became much less, but mostly her relationship with the disease and the grief was what shifted. Today she still speaks of the anxiety that she’s lived with since childhood that was what was finally relieved.
I realized I should be going for Metamorphosis too, but something in my inner body/mind definitely resisted for a while, I booked every week for a month before I finally made it to a session. (I realize now it was possibly due to my birth experience and the nature with which I came into this life that always used to govern my choices and transformation and what I will allow to become real for me).
The work had a very profound effect on me and the simplicity of the philosophy really made sense, I immediately resonated with it. Understanding that my world is created from the inside out, and that my relationships and experience is governed by my inner life and the attitude of my mind. I immediately wanted to learn more. I started taking classes with Jean Magnus in 2001. I was working on forgiveness and acceptance. It was so hard to maintain a relationship with my beloved father while I was seeing my mother suffer the consequence of his actions and betrayal, feeling abandoned myself. I learnt that my father was dealing with his own childhood miseries and patterns, and as I became more familiar with the true nature of Metamorphosis and the depth of the healing that can take place at the place of conception I was excited to bring this into my life and gift it to my family.
After I started my metamorphosis I slowly felt more of an ease as I moved through my grief and I will forever be grateful for the balance metamorphosis allowed me to create within, helping me to find the peace within my relationship with my father before he died in 2003. My grandparents had dealt with the loss of their daughter and now the loss of their son, I saw them go through a transformation that left me in awe of the ripple effect Metamorphosis. A balance was found in the relationship between my father and his parents, even after death.
I was practicing with Jean Magnus for two years by this time. Again I felt myself dealing with the fear, anger, denial, sadness, loss and all the stages grief pushes us in. I was reflecting it into my own love relationships, needing to see the pain I was feeling inside manifested somewhere. The whole time I found myself experiencing the grief wholeheartedly, yet at the same time I was being witness to myself experiencing it. I saw an efferent attitude at play. Understanding that I have the responsibility from within to experience and perceive the world, that anything and everything, all relationships serve only as mirrors – like reflections of my own inner world. This made the journey through my early 20s a profound and interesting time. I worked and practiced facilitating Metamorphosis for many friends and family, 2001 through 2005. I saw some remarkable transformations. And I saw the most subtle discoveries, people just finding the responsibility and creator within themselves.
In 2004 I met my husband while traveling, almost nine months after my dad died. I knew he was who I would be with for a long time. I find that many transformations take nine months for me.
I’m not sure whether its because I practically feel the process of each transformation necessary, and when I first learnt the philosophy of metamorphosis I understood it for its prenatal nature.
Again after our wedding in South Africa I struggled to have my visa stamped to allow me into the USA, this process took 9 months, which was lovely, since Ryan could stay with me and we had a nine months honeymoon, traveling Southern Africa. Yet I was annoyed by the delay and the loss of control. In hind site I see how this time served a great purpose for me to become detached from my mother and to let go of a co-dependance I have become used to. This time also allowed Ryan to really know my family and my South Africa. I continued to work on my mother, brother, sister and Grandmother. I saw my Grandmother go into a coma and then with ease say goodbye to this world. My mother is still living with diabetes but is healthy and managing her highs and lows with profound ease and recognition.
I became acquainted with metamorphosis during a time when I was very actively looking at different philosophies and ways to perceive the reason for this world to exist the way it does. I have had many challenges and different ideas enter my consciousness, yet metamorphosis is the one constant that has forever altered my state of consciousness and my attitude when in conflict or in joy. I appreciate the idea that with metamorphosis we are given the opportunity to take responsibility for our choices and our experience. Being conscious of the two balancing factors, an afferent and efferent attitude, and noticing when they are going into their extremes, is fascinating and liberating. I have concluded that we can only really know ourselves, when in relationship with others and the world. It is within these relationships that we have the opportunity to really look at ourselves, having the courage to look at ourselves in the mirror. Knowing that each experience was created from within.
I have lived in California for 5 years now, I practiced Metamorphosis with a more in depth understanding of its philosophy, really working on keeping the mind and its motive at bay. Also struggling to let each moment I facilitate to be, allowing for each person’s own self to set the practice and intent. I have found that I understand this better since I read Robert St. John’s article on Motive.
I work on my husband often and find this a wonderful way to bring relief in times when we both are in a reactive state of mind. We have been married almost 6 years, together for 8 and ever since I brought the philosophy home even more, the transformation and how we manage stress in our house has turned a 180 degrees. Every time I find myself wanting to blame Ryan for how I am feeling or for some uncomfortable circumstance the understanding that how I’m feeling inside is being manifested in my outer world, and that he has nothing to do with it, he is just acting as my mirror in that moment. This understanding has kept our relationship and friendship in a growing state, always loving and accepting each others mirrors.
In the past ten years I witnessed afferent and efferent attitudes fluctuate in my life. I have a very afferent nature to begin with. I have spurts when I react to the day in an efferent way, but have often received negative feedback when I activate an efferent attitude. It seems to swing into an extreme one way or the other.
I worked on an autistic child while living in San Francisco and had a profound moment just being with this girl and her father. She was so open and willing to be with me and let me work on her feet, she was engaging and seemed to enjoy it. I felt as if we had a connection in a very afferent way, my own afferent mind was activated and understood and the gift of working with her was beautiful and simple. Her father was the opposite though, and I felt how he resisted the work, wanting me to understand that something is/has to be wrong. I was at a loss for words and the vocabulary to converse with him. It did awaken an interest in autism and what the parents have to go through being part of this society.
One of the patterns I am excited about sharing, feeling this is one of the most clear effects of the work, is the breaking of an addictive pattern. I was a very avid smoker for over more that eight years. I tried to quit many times, when one day it just quit me, it was a few months after a session with Jean. I could not tolerate the drug anymore, and have not craved it for a moment since. It’s been liberating and profound and a physical manifestation of a deep unconscious pattern changed.
I worked on many friends the last three years. I have witnessed balance in the most profound yet subtle ways. Those that have lived within an extreme afferent attitude, completely locked in a dream, in a state of withdrawal, finding themselves not able to hold back anymore and becoming more efferent in their nature and into play. I have to admit to feeling an achievement(i guess) I’m not sure what to call the feeling, I felt honored to have been able to be such an intimate witness to these people’s own discoveries and freedom once their tension was relieved and they could move forward with much greater ease. It felt really good to see metamorphosis at work in this way.
I have facilitated for clients while living in San Francisco 2007 – 2010. I found myself really relating with the balance Metamorphosis brought and how the mystical side of the work became enhanced. I became very quiet and still inside, and less side effects seem to occur the more I facilitate in the last few years. It’s the unexplainable, paying less attention to analyzing the patterns, quietly paying attention to their tension without pointing it out, being witness to their patterns changing.
My cat seem to ask for regular treatments and I love how she telepathically have come to accept and love the work.
I have felt the impact of the work while I was pregnant, I had a few treatments while pregnant. I believe the ease of Charlotte’s birth was due to metamorphosis. I have seen the effect of it also on Charlotte, I recently gave her a treatment when she seemed out of sorts after her first two teeth came out, she has been sleeping better and have a much more at ease attitude even when she has a tired or hunger fit:)
To conclude this rambling of remembering. I love the philosophy and practice of Metamorphosis. I have seen its benefits and experience it every day in my relationships and life. I am excited to extend my practice outside of my family and home into my community and world. Knowing the ripple effect this work can have on our world excites me. I honor Robert St John for his work and for creating Metamorphosis, making it easier to understand why the world and individuals react with stress and that there is something to do about it.
Quinne Brown Huffman