In 2020 I decided to make it all personal. I decided to share, to become a deliberate creator of my reality. Slowly I grew more comfortable with my vulnerability and that exhilarating feeling when I stood on the “bloukrans bridge” about to bungee-jump, the thought…”I am crazy, but it’s now or never!” reverberating through my body. I had an idea and if it was going to be something I would have to take some action.
In the quiet moments of early lockdown I cleared my drawers and laid it out with some seriousness. I was going to make this time memorable and I was going to feel good at the end of it. The book took shape with incredible ease. I stood in astonishment and pride and excitedly showed it to a few that would give me their honest opinion. Then I asked my close friend, Liezl Kruger, a creative mind and one who understands the hows of the publishing tools better to help me lay out my vision.
I had been woken up in the middle of the night with a clear vision of what I wanted it to look like. Charaiveti, means to keep moving, a circle signifies this idea of endless cycles and consistent movement. It also symbolises the journey through and not jumping to instant conclusions that matters. In November 2020 it was done and I can hold it in my hand. It is beautiful, filled with the words that signifies my journey of the past 20 years and highlighted by my sister, Esther Engelbrechts art. It is printed on beautiful paper and I would love for each of you to hold it and keep it on your coffee table.
For the better part of 40 years I have been extremely private, my poetry was a surprise to even my own family, with whom I am very close.
Yet in the stillness of 2020 and after learning to take time for myself. To create space for my practices and rituals that create a sense of wellbeing, I became less fearful of your or anyone's idea of me and my output. What mattered most was how I felt about my experience. This has released me and how I share and care.
Charaiveti Live happened at the end of November 2020 at The Young Rebels Recording Studio in Randburg. I needed to honour the pages and share the journey out loud. With incredible ease the show manifested and all the right people were standing by my side. It just happened one night under stormy skies when Ami, from Margaret's Daughter(MD band) and I sat by candle light to design the show. It was amazing and I was consistently covered in goosebumps, another feel-good sign that I am following the truth. We pulled in Etienne Ghyoot, who is the other part of the MD band, Vuyelwa Mpela and Nika Smit. Then another great thrill was to meet Pops Mohamed! He sat on stage with me and filled it with his magic. The night of the show and every night of rehearsal was an absolute highlight and memory I want to hold close forever. It was dreams coming true with the greatest ease.
When I speak of following what feels good, it does not mean I skip over challenges or not acknowledge that bad things happen or that we sometimes have to be uncomfortable in order to get where we are going. It means following what is true for me, what will honour my dream and ultimate well being. I want to be awake while I am alive.
It was this frightening feeling of waking I felt when I first fell pregnant. The undeniable awareness of my physicality and the awakening sense of being human. I was in shock for a while and as I have learnt to embrace this creative time, of being human, I feel excited and it is the experience of it all that matters. To understand my part, making sure that it feels good to my entire being, that matters. It matters because it is the only way I know to be of service to you and the whole. It is how I feel sure I will have something to give.
Our stories become our legacies, for our children and for our expansion to continue sustainably, our understanding becomes vital.
Share your story, it matters.