Another two months passed and I find myself sitting by my keyboard again, ready to share some thoughts. How does time pass so quickly without allowing any time to sit around for some musing? Taking this time is a gift to myself. Connecting with my muse and allowing my thoughts to find grounding, is my medicine.
So much happened – we moved, the kids were on vacation, it was winter and everyone seemed to catch the flu. We unpacked, set up home with our new puppy, Jozi(who stole my heart). And, off course, we still needed to keep the pot full and participate out there in order to stay connected.
[And I walk the park with Jozi singing out of tune Ani DiFranco songs because it makes me feel good.]
JUNE was Youth Month. I was moved and made very aware of the path the youth of South Africa has carved and trudged. I am also sadly affected and concerned about the dangers and wars that affect our children and those that might be more vulnerable. [We all need to keep our eyes open, be willing to take action and remind each other that we see, hear and feel and so will stand guard for one another? ]
I feel strongly about forging a space for my children to be able to participate without the constrictions we put on them because of fear.
There seem to be a double standard in some of the things I teach my kids. I try to mirror and teach them manners and what humility and integrity means, and how one can live authentically without making yourself small. And then, on the other hand, I sometimes have these outer body experiences where I see how fear guides me to act crazy and fanatic and I see their little scared eyes, not adding up my behaviour, words and teachings.
I do see a hopeful space where the youth will have the opportunities to create a different way in business, politics and connection.
Life seems to work in circular patterns and motions, and possibly we should trust advancement to also lead us to what we actually need to survive and evolve as humans. The alienation brought on by the electronic age creates a need for human closeness and human interactions – even the scientists agree that our brains need it. Ultimately we change and recreate only out of necessity. Divine timing might actually exist and procrastination might not be so bad.
In JULY I had a few opportunities to connect with the 7deLaan fan base at the malls around Joburg and Pretoria. I took a day to build houses with Habitat for Humanity and SABC2. And to juxtapose that experience in Orange Farm I joined our cast and crew to wash cars in Fourways one morning. I realised once again how vast and diverse the country is that we live in. How people live and communicate in so many different ways. I was granted an experience that enlightened me in a way that was rather shocking, yet I felt my angry heart understand suddenly on another level. I wrote this poem and its about as much as I am willing to say about that moment in time, when I was hit by a rock while feeling at home but out of place working amongst fellow South Africans.
‘n Klip Gooi
Ek wil nog dans
Deurmekaar oor waar en hoe
Tog daar is ‘n kans
En skielik brand my bobeen
Tanne wat blink en ander wat lag.
My been brand.
Maar vernedering die eintlike seer.
Kwaad brand eerste deur.
Wie waar hoekom.
Eina dis seer
Maar my smile probeer
Braaf is my siel
Verstaan bloei deur.
Wat maak ons as ons klip gooi
Wat is die doel.
Om die hartseer te voel.
En skielik is my vuur vol sand
My smile voel aangeplak
Wie is ek in die milleu?
My hart breek vir wat so baie vir so lank moes voel.
My kop verstaan.
My lyf is kwaad
My hart brand vol trane.
Ons bou huis.
Klip en sement
Steen vir steen
My hande deel die taak
Ons gee aan sonder wraak
Ons deel spasie
En leer met grasie
Stadig nou, min wetend
Die doen is makliker
Wanneer die storie asem kry
Anders maak die doen seer
Wat maak my vel kleur en hier wees wakker in jou.
Is dit die selfde vrees wat mense hulle self laat inkoop het vir so onnodig lank.
Ek verstaan, en dan weer nie. Hoe kan ek
My lyf, my kleur en stem ook nie my keuse nie.
My daaglikse beweging wel. Watse rede gee ek jou nou om
Klip te gooi.
‘n klip gooi ver, le die waarheid dalk … -quinnebrown
With Mandela-day passed and Women’s day ahead, here are my thoughts: What if we allow ourselves the time to think before we react and rather make the effort to respond mindfully. Most of what happens around us or even to us, is not personal. Consider that we all have a story, maybe assumption could take a back seat? If we all act kindly and with generosity of spirit, believing that there is enough to do, to have and to eat – would our word and actions mean more?
If we settle on truth and look beyond our own perceptions and beliefs we might find that we all have a similar goal. Especially if we don’t act from historic righteousness but rather from our own personal story that we write or play out everyday.
Acting not from our first thought or instinct but rather from a mindful space…. Could we possibly create a whole new world, earth in this way?
(This is only a possibility in a world of possibilities.
There are, obviously, there are many possibilities,
ranging from small to large, before long there will be short, before short there was nothing.
When there was nothing there was always the possibility of something, becoming what it is) -DEEP DISH Ani DiFranco