Anniversaries…what is happening?

The month of May carries one of my saddest anniversaries of loss. My dad passed this month 14 years ago. I am sometimes caught of guard by the sadness that still come alive in my body around this time. His physical presence in my life lost, was one that really shocked me. Even though the carry of this loss does get easier, like a back pack that you learn to carry and pack in a way that distribute the weight. Once you unpack it though, the pain and loss is still the same and the longing still true. Alas my father was an adventurer and a superman. A man willing to look at life and not afraid of inquiry. He was the one that took us on safari and fun adventures. He had me running next to him on holiday to stay fit and taught me how to rollerskate. I wish I could know what type of grand parent he would be. He was a very solid presence in my life and gave me courage to be me. I miss him.

My dad was gentle and kind and yet a warrior. I always felt safe with him around. I have men in my life and around our daughters that I trust with my life, that I witness with appreciation, that has a similar presence. With them around I feel safe as a woman. My daughters feel safe.

What is going on?

Who are these hurting cowards, taking from and hurting young ones and women.

Why would this be happening? Are we repeating a cycle, a pattern or is this chaotic destruction of all that is vulnerable and beautiful a breakdown of a different kind?

I am at a loss of what we condone and allow, how is some of the highest authorities example of bullying and the worst crimes, yet we justify our choosing of them with how they spend money or we believe their lies willingly? I am at a loss…

Let’s call to action the warriors who will stand in protection of beauty, wisdom, growth, space, vulnerability and love. Let’s not lock up our doors, build higher walls or point more fingers, but rather let us break down the walls and take each others hands. Let us call and name and find the cowards that inflict pain and hurt to still their own, that is taking the space of our children’s creativity and filling it with the expectation of fear, now I am mad.

Let us drown out their fear and destruction with the sound of love and what is true of this game(life). How about we fill this space with our fierce need for connection. How about we counter. I am a dreamer. I am a team player. I am a believer in love and life. I know their are many of us, ready with action plans representing love and light. I am ready to show up. Can we all show up as our truest selves? What would that look like? OOh I almost feel like quoting John Lennon….

As a woman I want to sing louder, jump the fences, hold each other longer and gather our forces of light and love.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Anniversaries…what is happening?

  1. Salome Brown Gooding

    Well said Quinne! Your dad was indeed one of the good ones! Let’s choose love.

  2. After six weeks of letting it sink in… may we agree it is infinitely better to have loved and lost someone dear than not to have loved and been loved… It also makes all the difference if you accepted and felt strong to take on Life’s challenge with your warrior-mentors, your parents, at your side, while knowing that at ANY time some may fall, secure in that their loved ones gladly continue and take that torch onward.

    We must remember we are each a part of the Whole, and in particular a species going thru a somewhat grotesque birth into the beauty of genuinely loving… most people are still only at the level of the feedback loop to their own emotions: the terrible crimes come with biology run ragged, and not taking fully to heart someone else’s experience, their being — or even one’s own).

    We do all the greatest honour by remembering someone organically, as they really were. Most people don’t remember their loved one: they remember their fantasy version thereof. You’ve heartfully shared on another page how, near the end, your pa caused your ma pain too terrible (even if she has turned out so wonderful and it led to so much of your enlightenment!). And he was also a truly great, warm presence and such an inspiration to you all.

    My heartfelt words… Treat yourselves always as you would care for your dearest friend who has lost someone so dear. You know your heart’s big enough to truly connect, and embrace the sudden evaporation, and you are courageous&robust. The universe went at least 13 billion years without you before you came with your decades of brilliance… after which you’ll melt back into the Whole and our light will weave on 😉

  3. (BTW I lost my entire close family to their own baseness — I basically only have the shell of an emotionally-lost mother left: life said a resounding fuckyou to me and “my high ideas”, it reset my baseline and now I’m so aware of just how blessed I am, and how beautiful and special every day is. Even when no-one cares truly about my experience Now, I still care deeply(!) — love authenticity, so glad to admit it sometimes feels like trying to understand the Island of Dr Moreau, but the magic of life don’t vanish…)

  4. donna

    Oh darling and genuine Quinne. Those were perfectly chosen words that felt so good to read. We must use love, wisdom and courage to uncover our own and each others super powers. Love , Love and more love to you.

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