Monthly Archives: November 2013

The Challenge of Transition

During shavasana in a wonderful yoga class with Yoga Janda last night I realized I was in yet another transition place of motherhood.[ These come hard and rather often actually.] This one is poignant, since I am about to go into labor and give birth to our second baby and witnessing my dear CQ grow into a girl with her own way and mind. She is also very sensitive, intuitive, ‘two’ and very reactive. Its been a hard week of incredible tantrums and kickbacks with our CQ a full-blown toddler with a strong will.

I reached a bit of a breaking point and heard myself speak words I don’t want to hear coming from my mouth, I was very aware of the hard work motherhood is known to be and felt cornered and stuck, not knowing what to do. Only to realize again that its about letting go, not doing much, changing my language with myself and CQ a little and allowing the moment to pass.

I love how labor and birth can relate to life in so many instances. Like during labor with CQ when we reached transition and I felt like I was at a loss and actually just wanted it all to be over, wanted to turn back, feeling like I had no idea what I was doing and just wanted to go into hiding. But then it was almost over and all I needed was a little support, loving care and strong voices in my ear of knowing, voices who could share where I was going and understood what I was dealing with. I see over and over how motherhood, parenthood cannot be a solo journey, how tragic and hard. We need support and love and time for ourselves to keep up the nurturing sustenance. I am so grateful to my amazing husband who knew to send me to my room when I needed it and so naturally took over. I am so grateful to my amazing, intuitive and skilled midwife Andrea Meyer, who talked me through this transition in motherhood and equipped me with some tools that immediately took effect and I feel like I can breathe again. I look forward to birthing this next baby with her. I am grateful to amazing grandmothers and kind neighbors and friends.

So here we go, continuing on the journey of motherhood, trying to be what our kids need in every moment without losing ourselves.

Want to share some of your own transitions as a mother, I would love to hear about it:)

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Third Trimester Bliss…

I am enjoying being big and pregnant with a moving belly.

I love this time.

It’s a time of bonding,

A time of slowing down.

I am almost reluctant to have it be over.

It’s these last weeks that make me love being pregnant.

Its visible and real and moody and tangible.

My mind is quiet and my heart filled with song.

I laugh when people give me the “sorry for you” look and encourage me that it’s almost over, actually it makes me a little sad, because I don’t want it to be almost over. I really love being pregnant, even with all the roller coaster mood swings and body changes. Or maybe specifically for those. I feel like a “woman” and sexier than at any other time. I am blessed with a wonderful appreciative husband and wise man, so that makes it easier. I love that I can cry over nothing and then feel better, I think it helps me understand and have more empathy for my two-year old and her outbursts and tantrums.

I am so aware of this baby in my belly, and what this moon-water-child is keen to react to, I feel at ease with her so close to my heart.

I know many women want to rush this time, they are eager to meet their baby face to face, to get a handle on the unknown and once again carry on with their life. I, on the other hand find myself loving the dream time. It’s certainly not always comfortable, especially when my two-year old decides to bolt with no regard for my voice trying to call her back. And she is fast, there is no catching up with her. Nights can be long with constant tossing and turning and some interesting musical-bed-play with my beautiful, equally restless CQ. But I am blessed to be able to be home with her during this time, that the only rushing around is when life really calls to be taken care of. We are creating our own rhythm and mine is definitely more tortoise like. I am having the sweetest moments with CQ and can’t love them enough. The morning cuddle and closeness, when she chooses to wake up with sweetness. She senses my hormonal mood changes and gives me kisses and hugs and won’t leave my side. These little ones can be so intuitive and I am astounded by our natural knowing. I look forward to witnessing her as a big sister and feel nervous about all the change. We have a lovely rhythm in this moment, but I am also reminded that it all is continuously changing and there is no hanging on to any specific moment or feeling. They come – they go, the good, the bad, the ugly and the nasty, they all pass…children make me so aware of time passing.

We are slowly getting ready for the birth and all the change and together Ryan and I will again labor and birth our family into a new space. I am feeling extraordinary blessed now as things seem to fall into place effortlessly and I am so grateful for all the support and love that surrounds us.20131113_155932

Excited that change is in the air and its accompanied with so much celebration. It will be a good Thanks Giving:)

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from my inbox…

A note that fell into my inbox today plus a video that makes me weep and long for the land of my heart.

A good reminder:

” Everything in your life is a symbol.

A reflection. A clue. A reminder.

Of what you understand, and of what you don’t, made manifest.

Look to the beauty for truth. And to what hurts, for its beauty.

….life is fair. As fair as it is beautiful. Though this can’t always be seen from too close, in terms of either time or space.”       -the universe-

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